So you filled your hands

Right before I woke up, I had an anxiety dream in which I was looking at the Amazon reviews for the ebook of The Falling Woman. The formatting wasn't entirely Amazonesque -- it looked more like AO3 or Dreamwidth -- but all of the reviews were disappointed and negative. I was desperately trying to figure out how to say to them, "It's just a first draft! I don't know how you got it! I'll take it down and make it better!"

I laugh now, but let me tell you, I flew out of bed when my alarm went off!

So here's the thing about The Falling Woman. I'm having a dilemma. I am so, so close to finishing, but every time I try, I can't. Part of this, of course, may be the classic "I'm afraid to end the story!" (variety of your choice), but even though the things that are left are purely emotional threads that really won't require a ton of alteration (reunion, restoration, return, that sort of thing), I find myself banging my head against the wall going, "The structure is wrong!"

See, I know the first draft is supposed to be your "discovery draft," the one where you just get it all out and get to know your characters. For the past few weeks, though, I've been mulling over backstory. I've suddenly figured out what the relationship is between ( spoilers? ) And now that these really critical threads are clear to me, I'm tearing my hair out because everything up to now has been wrong.

Well, that's not true. Not at all. But I want to start fixing things now. I know what happens next. I could list it all out for you if you wanted to know, in exquisite outline, even if I can't seem to get it out in a draft. It's frustrating, because I know intellectually that it's copping out to not write that last scene, to not show the confrontation, to not show our protagonists emerging somewhat victorious. Readers, you've been true champs, and I am so, so grateful for those who have been following and commenting and discussing with me. I don't want to let you down. But I love editing, and I want to get in there and whip this baby into shape.

( Some more thoughts )

Holy cow. I just mapped out the remainder of what I have to do with The Falling Woman. Seven scenes. That's it. Seven long, intense, involved scenes, but. That's all that's standing in between me and a completed first draft.

I also have five sheets of paper left in my notebook. End of a freaking era. Let me tell you, I cannot wait. Not just to start the next project (which may or may not be State Lines), but to rip this sucker up and put it together again. I still have so many notes and ideas to work in. And not to get premature, but I know I've learned so much. For now, though, I still really just want to be done.

One more face for the scrapbook, this time out of an incredible collection of color photographs from the early 1900s. This is an Iraqi woman; this portrait blows me away.

( Read more... )

In other news, I have the next two days off work. I plan on using some of that to get work done, some of it to remind myself how very much I cannot have a dog right now, and some of it to do some real writing. So hopefully that will happen.

Another face for the scrapbook, this time from an Etsy seller: ( What a neat way to do eyebrows. )

Also, if you're on the Falling Woman filter and missed it, more went up recently, hopefully with more to follow soon! The move is this weekend, and internet service won't start until Monday, so fingers crossed something can be accomplished in the near future.

I can't even believe these. Holy cripes.

(Also, fyi, if I just removed you from my subscriptions, it's because I'm following you with another journal, not for anything passive-aggressive or wanky!)

Don't mind me, I'm just cleaning out some notes. Good grief, am I ready/determined to be done with a first draft soon. (I came home all raring and ready to write, but I was dead on my feet and needed a nap; then my parents called; then I needed dinner; then I got lost in other things. Now it's quarter to 11. Fie!)

( Weird atmosphere that I like; quite a lot of Watership Down )

Quietly imagine that I have been posting and/or writing this month.

So, more and more things fall into place. I've been using Trio Medieval's sacred recordings as my basis for the Quiet Sisters up to now, but while I was home for Christmas, I snagged their album of Norwegian folk songs. The only instruments other than their voices are percussive. This is what witches sound like.